Up close & Personal

So, it’s been a while since I’ve written. Most recently I wrote about The Process & Lyrics to ease a heavy heart… It’s crazy how much can change from one blog post to the next. Tuesday, December 18th, Our precious Wadagens went to be with Jesus. The best way for me to explain Wadagen’s journey is to send you to Dixie’s post on God’s Littlest Angels blog site-- Wadagens... A true angel tonight. It’s still very surreal. One day this precious little boy is living in our room the next he is living in the arms of Jesus. Dixie said it best in her blog post…

“As a nurse, it affects you when you lose someone you have been taking care of in the hospital, but not quite like in the orphanage, because YOU are the mother of these children. They are yours. We stand in the place of their mamas to be there to kiss them when they fall down, hug them when they need assurance or just a little bit of love, and to keep ourselves between them and danger. So when we lose a child at the orphanage, we grieve like a mother, because we ARE their mamas. Even if it’s just for a short time, our role is as their ‘MOM’.”

Although I miss Wadagen's I am comforted in knowing he is up sitting next to Jesus with his heart healed and whole...  and he's making silly faces at him! (Wadagen's didn't speak... but he sure did know how to make silly faces!)

Much has happened since then, my first Christmas & New Years in Haiti has come and gone. Although I missed my family greatly, I am blessed by increasing the size of my family through those I am surrounded by at God's Littlest Angels. I went on my first "hike" through the mountains this past Saturday... When in Haiti, you have to look past the garbage and litter that clutters the streets and look to what God has so beautifully and perfectly created. Most everybody and everything is hard to see, imagine, comprehend and may even be ugly when viewing it up close and personal. God can change your perspective, help you to look past the dirty window, trash, heartache, bitterness to see the Awesomeness He is and has created. Just think, God sees us up close and personal... ugly as ugly can be, but He looks past all of our flaws and ugliness and sees a beautiful, perfectly created, captivating person whom he loves and cherishes.

Healing is always a process. Grieving and healing is different for everyone but I am so glad there is hope found through Jesus Christ. I am blessed to have found that Hope. Over the past week I have had Casting Crowns "The Well" CD pretty much on repeat... If you don't own it, I suggest you buy it. Every song has me thinking, praying, & processing more than the next.

And all who thirst will thirst no more, 

And all who search will find what their souls long for, 

The world will try, but it can never fill, 

So leave it all behind, and come to the well

So bring me your heart

No matter how broken, 

Just come as you are, 

When your last prayer is spoken, 

Just rest in my arms a while, 

You'll feel the change my child, 

When you come to the well

So as my first post of 2013, but really a wrap up of the last few weeks of 2012... Here are some pictures to piece together the last few months of 2012.

Family Vacation-2012

Sara's Wedding

Abby's Wedding!

My life group-Summer 2012 Love these girls!

Triathlon #3--Complete! So blessed to have these girls by my side!

My last night at Duke- With Jacquelyn!

The new view :)

First Haiti beach experience!

Rebecca & I waiting to bring Wadagens home!

Most of the GLA staff here in Haiti

Best popcorn ever! NYE 2012

This smile=best Christmas present ever!

NYE at The Fort

And now that you're full, 

Of love beyond measure, 

Your joy's gonna flow, 

Like a stream in the desert, 

Soon all the world will see 

that living water is found in me, 

Cause you came to the well

And all who thirst will thirst no more, 

And all who search will find what their souls long for, 

The world will try, but it can never fill, 

So leave it all behind, and come to the well

-Casting Crowns "The Well"

...to be continued...

-B

I left a part of my heart in Haiti.

I left off saying I wasn't ready to listen to what God needed to tell me... In the midst of getting ready for Haiti, there was something blocking all thoughts of future endeavors outside the U.S., I actually considered that maybe God had taken the desire to do long-term overseas missions off my heart and a life stateside was His plan... I knew I'd always make short-term missions throughout my life but maybe I just wasn't made to be a medical 'missionary'.

Now, everyone can be a missionary; whether it be in your community, your workplace, state, country, or overseas. Prior to Haiti, I had lost my focus... I'm not sure if others have gone through this but mid 20's can be a weird age... For me, I was now finished with school and not dating anyone with the potential of marriage so I felt very static, in-between, blah... My life consisted of going to work and coming home to my dog... (He's pretty special though) Anyone else? I felt like my friends who are still in college hung out together and my married or soon-to-be married/ seriously dating friends hung out, and all my PA friends... well they're in PA. So, sometimes I just felt a little out of place. Do I really just have to go to work and come home? I know a few of my friends are also in this "in-between" phase, so I know I'm not alone. Still... life went on.

So anyway... since school was finished I decided to focus on a few things, set some goals for myself. I am totally a person who has to set goals for myself. I can't just go to work and come home. My goals were to focus on paying off my school debt, train for my second triathlon, prepare for Haiti, and most importantly deepen my relationship with God. March was a huge month for me... It was the month before my trip to Haiti. I completed my second triathlon (doctors never thought I'd do anything of the sort due to my heart) and I turned 25... P.S. greatest friends in the world award... My NC friends threw me a surprise birthday party and it was a complete and total surprise. I still can't believe no one spilled! It was an amazing month. So much was accomplished, goals were being met... so on and so forth.

So, I guess it's time for the big announcement. Although I am continually working towards those goals as listed above, I have a huge goal.

......DRUM ROLL PLEASE.......

HAITI IS IT!!! Haiti is where I want to spend a the next part of my life, who knows maybe all of it. I think about day 3 in Haiti I realized that my focus, besides all of those things listed above, is to move to Haiti full time. Many things are still up in the air. I don't know what part of Haiti, what organization, when or how I will get there, but I do know God has placed this desire on my heart and it will happen! So here's the kicker, I need your prayers... Lots of things to do and figure out before I go. I have been researching organizations and studying Haitian-Creole (Mwen renmen Haiti!). I don't know if it will be this year or further in the future I just know I have to go. So your prayers are much appreciated.

I guess you are probably wondering, how I decided on Haiti... The best answer is... I just know. I was ready to hear what God needed to tell me. Strangely enough, I have always been able to make huge decisions quickly and calmly. God says Go and there I go... Just like when I chose a college, my move to NC and now my eventual move to Haiti (Don't ask me what I want for dinner though because that takes forever and a day!). I am extremely calm about my decision (it could be because it's not quite real yet). I feel comforted. I feel completely ready for what God has in store. So a few people have alreay heart this news and I've gotten a lot of questions like "really?", "aren't you afraid?", "can you do it?"... Well here are the answers; Yes, really! What is there to be afraid of, God will protect me; I'm more afraid of not following my heart and God to Haiti. Lastly, no I can not do it alone but God can surely make it possible.

This precious girl is Kalinda... She is one of those pieces of my heart I left in Haiti.

Here's the thing...


I left a part of my heart in Haiti and now I have to follow it. 

...to be continued...

-B-