More than enough.

This week has been a constant flow of packing, moving, emotions, giving away, goodbye's, etc... So forgive me for a rambling of feelings. As I pack up all of my belongings and give away/sell the majority of all possessions, I'm actually filling a bit of excess. Seriously, in my small one bedroom apartment, I managed to accrue a multitude of clothes, purses, shoes, nik-naks. I have to say it's a pretty weird feeling whittling your way through years of "stuff"... unnecessary "stuff". This is post isn't to make anyone feel guilty, I am just becoming aware of all the money I have spent on silly possessions that were completely unnecessary and perhaps were never even used or worn. 

I feel a twinge of sadness but mostly I  have a feeling of relief when an item leaves my apartment. My anxiety drops a decimal point with each item that goes out my front door, it's like each item is a small step closer to Haiti. I don't really have anxiety about moving, it's just about getting rid of my stuff. I don't want to travel to PA with it... I really don't have the means or money to do that... and it's nice stuff, stuff that could be sold & therefore money to be put into my student loans & such... The key thing is this stuff has to be bought. Alas, I am down to just needing to sell my couch & dining set. Just two more things!! Yay!!

Today/Yesterday was also a answer to prayer. My best bud Boo (my dog), has a home!!! A couple met him and took him home the same day! I think it was just meant to be! Boo is going to be loved and in a good home! Such an answer to prayers!!

So tonight I'm going to leave you with a song. This song came on just as I was finishing up packing for the night. One of my absolute favorites and the one song that could calm my heart. It reminds me that God is more than enough and provides for us more than we could ever ask or imagine. 

Chris Tomlin "Enough"

All of You is more than enough for all of me

For every thirst and every needYou satisfy me with Your loveAnd all I have in You is more than enough
You are my supplyMy breath of lifeAnd still more awesome than I knowYou are my rewardworth living forAnd still more awesome than I know
All of You is more than enough for all of meFor every thirst and every needYou satisfy me with Your loveAnd all I have in You is more than enough
You're my sacrificeOf greatest priceAnd still more awesome than I knowYou're the coming KingYou are everythingAnd still more awesome than I know
More than all I wantMore than all I needYou are more than enough for meMore than all I knowMore than all I can sayYou are more than enough for me



...to be continued...
-B

So there it is, take it as you will.

Well, today marks 3 weeks until I am in Haiti! At this exact time in 3 weeks I will be on a south bound flight from Miami to Port Au Prince and will land in Haiti at noon Sunday, November 11th. Crazy?!? Isn't it! Sometimes my life seems so surreal. I'm still amazed by the opportunity God has given me. As I pack and sell/give away the majority of my personal belongings, I hang on to those things that have the most meaning... like my diploma's from Gwynedd & Drexel, a night stand that I painted when I was in high school, a dish my mom got me when I first moved into a place by myself, stuffed animals  (two of which are my sister's & one from when I was born)... Silly things but meaningful none the less. Each item has a particular meaning and represent a different phase of my life.

For me, moving around has always been pretty easy. I know God will take care of me as long as I follow His lead. This move is no different in knowing God will take care of me, but as any twenty-five year old would, I have my insecurities about the unknown... Every move I've had the same insecurities. Insecurities arise whether it's a change in job, moving to a different city (or country), choosing a new church, trying to pay off debt, meeting new people, trying ANYTHING new. They're just silly thoughts the devil puts in your head to make you think that you're not adequate enough, smart enough, pretty enough, cool enough... These insecurities make you think about old friendships & relationships; why they lasted or didn't last and the new friendships that are sure to arise. Yet, still there is a calmness inside knowing that God's got it covered. No matter what. He's got it. 

So, things to do in the next 3 weeks (Lord Willing):

**Find Boo a new forever home**

Empty out my apartment

**Find Boo a new forever home**

Spend time with friends and finish up my last 5 shifts at Duke

**Find Boo a new forever home**

Drive through VA to see Kevin, Susanna, Karaline, Audrey (& hopefully my newest nephew)

Drive to PA to see the rest of the family

Catch a 0615 flight to Miami & then a 1000 flight to Haiti on Sunday, November 11th.

Continue this great adventure that God has blessed me with at God's Littlest Angels in Haiti

So there it is  take it as you will... insecurities and all. 

I'll leave you with my life verse:

Philippians 4: 6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

...to be continued...

-B

You don't want to miss this.

Shock. Awe. Amazement. Nervous. Excitement, Ready, Thankful... Those are just a few emotions I'm feeling right now...

When I was left Haiti, 6 months ago after just spending a week there I knew that God was calling me to a life in Haiti and I told my fellow team members that I would move there before the years end. I realized that was a God-sized goal, but guess what, it's happening! I am so excited to announce that I will be moving to Haiti mid November 2012 ( yes, in just about 2 months)! I just was offered and accepted a position as a Registered Nurse at God's Littlest Angels, Inc. (GLA) in Haiti... You can check them out at www.godslittlestangelsinhaiti.org & www.glahaiti.org. Here is a glimpse into GLA...

Here is a little idea of what my role will be at GLA- My duties will include but are not limited to (along with another RN), watching over the Main house nursery, NICU, and Toddler House children, CPAP supervision, vaccination schedules, keeping track of things needed in the pharmacy and medical depot, treating of common ailments of the children and working with our pediatrician and other nursing staff.  I will also be traveling to outlying clinics at time to pick up sick children. All of the staff works multiple jobs. My position might require that at times too.  Such as baking cupcakes for the children’s birthday parties or helping unload containers of supplies that are shipped in.

I will update you as more details and dates arise.

I am so very excited about this opportunity and I can not wait to see what the Lord has in store!

...to be continued...

-B

I want to live like that.

Just wanted to share a song today. 

Sidewalk Prophets: "Live Like That"

Sometimes I think 

What will people say of me 

When I'm only just a memory 

When I'm home where my soul belongs 

Was I love 

When no one else would show up 

Was I Jesus to the least of those 

Was my worship more than just a song 

I want to live like that 

And give it all I have 

So that everything I say and do 

Points to You 

If love is who I am 

Then this is where I'll stand 

Recklessly abandoned 

Never holding back 

I want to live like that 

I want to live like that 

Am I proof 

That You are who you say You are 

That grace can really change a heart 

Do I live like Your love is true 

People pass 

And even if they don't know my name 

Is there evidence that I've been changed 

When they see me, do they see You 

I want to live like that 

And give it all I have 

So that everything I say and do 

Points to You 

If love is who I am 

Then this is where I'll stand 

Recklessly abandoned 

Never holding back 

I want to live like that 

I want to live like that 

I want to show the world the love You gave for me 

I'm longing for the world to know the glory of the King 

I want to live like that 

And give it all I have 

So that everything I say and do 

Points to You 

If love is who I am 

Then this is where I'll stand 

Recklessly abandoned 

Never holding back 

I want to live like that 

I want to live like that

...to be continued...

-B

Row, row, row, your boat...

In the last blog, I spoke about facing your Goliath and what weapon you would use to defeat whatever was standing in your way. God can choose anyone. He just asks that we are humble and willing. I have been reading Kisses from Katie and this book has been such an encouragement in my choice to serve in Haiti (when ever God chooses that will be). If you haven't read it. You should. This particular quote coincides with my previous posts.

“Ordinary people. He chose Moses. He chose David. He chose Peter and Paul. He chose me. He chose you. Common people. Simple people. People with nothing special about them. Nothing special except they said yes. They obeyed. They took the task God assigned them and they did it. They didn’t always do it well, but they said yes, and with His help they did it anyway. Extraordinary tasks.” -Katie Davis, Kisses from Katie

A little tangent... but, it's about to get a little deeper. As I was talking to my mom on the phone yesterday, she reminded me that yesterday, August 20th, marked 30 years since my sister, Trisha, passed away from Leukemia. This October she would have turned 36 years old. Although, I did not know my sister, she has guided my life and choices I have made. I know it may sound weird but she is one of the main reasons I am a nurse today. I still remember my mom talking about the nurses who took care of her in the hospital. Trisha, was a spit fire to say the least. She was strong willed and spoke what she thought. She was strong and beautiful. In some ways I feel as if I owe it to her to live my life out to the fullest in whatever ways I can, I know she is sitting up in heaven next to Jesus watching over me and guiding my steps, while also laughing at all the silly mistakes I make. I want to make her proud. Although, I no longer have a biological sister here on earth. I am so thankful for my three sister-in-laws and my sister's in Christ who have had a major impact on me. Each person is placed in your life for a reason, whether they were physically there or not, they can still impact your life.

God is calling us all to something great. Love fearlessly. (borrowed from The 410 Bridge)

...to be continued...

-B

Oh and a little words of wisdom to end this blog from a 4 year old Trisha...

"Row, row, row, your boat, gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily...Life is Tough."

Free

So, life after Kenya & before Haiti... One word. Three syllables. Confusing!!!! After Kenya I was a bit lost. Now, I can be a semi-introverted person but once you get to know me... I will talk your ear off! So, upon arriving back in the states, I kind of did a back slide into being by myself and protecting myself from disappointment. I don't ever really want to delve deep into life's 'disappointments' in this blog... because it is pointless. The only thing I have to say (which seems to be a trend) is that God truly has a plan and purpose for every person's life and He will do nothing to harm you. I've come to learn this at a young age... Please don't get me wrong, during life's little valley's I questioned this very point but as I crawl out of the hole of negativity I put myself in, I see God's light shining through my life. I still struggle day in and day out with the ups and downs of life and ask God questions of why... I use to feel like I was a child asking their parent why and hearing "because I said so"... but now I feel like I hear "because I love you".

Okay, so I know in the last post I said Kenya wasn't necessarily "life changing" for me but it did change my perspective on life and those who have been, will be, or currently are in my life. In my short twenty-five years, I have held a lot grudges against those who have harmed me in any way, shape, or form... They may have not even known they had done something but I still held a grudge. Their words or actions would eat me up inside... for years and years I held on to things of the past.... On our last night in Kenya, Dave, our team leader, did a debrief called "a road map" and it's wonderful (this will be a very long post or a lot of short posts for another time). As Dave spoke, I listened and one thing that still stands out was his wanting to forgive quicker. What? Forgive quicker? I have always thought long and hard about before forgiving someone, let alone forgiving them quickly. Well, essentially this is the practice of deciding beforehand that everyone around you is automatically forgiven, before they even have the chance to hurt you. Doesn't this make sense! I'm sure all of those people I had held grudges against never lost a wink of sleep over how I think they hurt me... So WHY SHOULD I?!? Please don't get me wrong I get annoyed and I don't necessarily forget things that occur... but I try not to let other people affect my life in a negative way. I'm going to continue to put a smile on my face and keep on going, knowing they are forgiven and voila... the weight is off my shoulders and I can sleep!

Back to the confusing part... I was free from the burden of being unable to forgive people and holding grudges but I think I was holding a little bit of a grudge against God and myself.... Kenya was it. That is where I would serve overseas... that's what I had always had in mind... God didn't you place the desire to go to Kenya on my heart? Why isn't there a desire to move there? Why am I so disappointed? Why am I so quiet? Why do I feel alone? Many questions swirled through my head and my heart through the next 10 months leading up to my Haiti trip. After making a commitment to going on the Haiti trip at times I even doubted I should go there because I wanted to "protect" myself from the hurt and disappoint that I felt after returning home from Kenya.

Originally, I had planned to go to both of newhope's Haiti trips. There was a trip in January and in April but an unexpected $6,000 dental bill threw my finances into a downward spiral that I had not really planned for.... Some of you know I'm crazy about paying off my debt and becoming debt free, I have excel spreadsheets and all... Well, after just completing my BSN and that pretty dentist bill I didn't even know if I could squeak out the second trip... If you hadn't guessed already, I backed out of the January trip and put my focus on working major amounts of overtime! I laugh at this now because I realize that God would have made it happen if He wanted me to go on that trip.

It's amazing to look back and realize why something had happened and where you'd be if it hadn't or the other way around. Although I've only been back from Haiti for a little over three weeks I can already see why I didn't go on that trip....

I wasn't ready to hear what God needed to tell me.

...to be continued...

-B